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First Mother's Day: The Tribe

First Mother's Day: The Tribe

Mother's Day has mostly been a day I either chose to bypass or that completely skidded past my realm of acknowledgement. For most of my life, my mother and I have had a rocky {read: nonexistent} relationship. It's astonishing to actually quantify it as "most of my life", despite my very early years and the occasional "on" period.

A few days ago, I came across the article, The Other Kind Of Motherless Mother , and it was probably the closest thing I've ever read to my experience. As I read this article, it became clear to me that since becoming pregnant, I have been slowly building a tribe. They say it takes a village to raise a child....I guess I've felt it takes a tribe to build a mother.

This Mother's Day, I reflected on the types of moms who are helping guide the type of mother I'm becoming.

1. The Stand-In Mom: This mamma is your best friend's mom. She's been there for all of your major life events and has adopted you into the family during times of celebration and heart ache. You see the type of mom this mom is to your best friend, and the type of mom she is to someone who isn't "truly" a relative, and she's one amazing human being. As much as I hope no one is ever in my shoes, I hope if I ever meet someone in need of some mothering, I'll pay it forward to them the way it's been paid forward to me.  

2. The "Shower- You- With- Gifts" Mom: This mom doesn't forget the milestones. She sends care packages, celebrates your new house, pregnancy, birth, first Mother's Day. This mom remembers the big stuff and makes sure you always have something fun in the mail. I hope to always celebrate the big stuff with my daughter. A small (or large, as they sometimes are!) care package goes a LONG way. 

3. The "Been-There-Done-That-Lived-To-Tell-About-It" Mom: This mom had a rocky relationship with HER mom, and she lived to tell about it. Not only did SHE live to tell about it, but she raised one or more kids and didn't end up like her mom. This mom gives me hope that I'm breaking the cycle. 

4. The "Going-Through-This-Right-Now-Isn't-It-Crazy" Moms: These moms are in the thick of it with you. They come in the form of a tight-knit online group {#byefeliciafabfeb16, you know who you are!} or a once distant Facebook friend who has kindly {read: brutally honestly and hysterically} reached out a hand to let you know you aren't alone and that yes, this shit IS crazy. Occasionally, if you're lucky, these moms come as neighbors, fellow Farmer's Market attendees or anyone who is otherwise readily available to discuss local events, give referrals for pediatricians, or stop by for a midday glass of wine {read: coffee because wine will just put you to sleep}. I am this mom right now. 

5. The Expectant Mom: This mom reminds you of the mom you were before sleep deprivation, reflux, and a NICU stay took over. She has plans. She's excited. She's thinking clearly {for the most part...because, well, hormones}. She's a little unsure about this whole thing, and you can understand, but you are so sure of her that when you listen to her fears you oddly become more confident in her abilities. Your heart gets fuzzy because you know she's going to be an amazing mother and the love she will feel will be unlike anything she's felt before, and you are excited for her to feel it. This mom-to-be brings out the mom in me. I realize someone must have felt this way about me, and now it's my turn to feel it for her -to welcome her to the tribe, to pass on the very few bits of knowledge I have, and oddly to make me miss pregnancy and want to do it all again. 

Thank you, mammas, for helping shape the mom I am becoming. 

No, She Wasn’t a Premie.

No, She Wasn’t a Premie.

Tag! I'm It!

Tag! I'm It!